


Dilemmas

by Lystopia



Category: Simple Plan (Band)
Genre: Depression, Gen, Questioning, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2019-11-16 05:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18088607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lystopia/pseuds/Lystopia
Summary: What if he changed? What if he’s not interested with that band shit anymore? What if he changed his mind, even after more than fifteen years being part of it? // A few thoughts on the darkness that's gone with the colors of my (his) life.





	Dilemmas

**Author's Note:**

> Written while being... exhausted.

What if he changed? What if he’s not interested with that band shit anymore? What if he changed his mind, even after more than fifteen years being part of it?

David Desrosiers doesn’t want to be in Simple Plan. In fact, he’s getting tired of it all. The crowds. The music. The girls. The meet and greets. The studio parts as much as the sleeping-in-a-tour-bus ones. He’s exhausted.

For a while, his mind wouldn’t follow his body and right now, his body just quit, too. Tonight, he’s just lying in his hotel bed. He’s not sure how he’s going to get on stage. He’s not sure how he’s going to get up and leave the place.

Still, he doesn’t want to let his friends down. He needs them as much as they need him. But he needs to be honest with his thoughts, his feelings too. It’s time to stop lying to everyone including himself.

D i l e m m a s.

Ones he can’t face anymore. He doesn’t want to disappoint or even regret any decision quickly made.

Maybe it’ll pass? Maybe it’ll go away? Maybe he only needs a longer break? Like a year, or two? Enough to live the things he has to live?

He’s not even living anymore. His head is full of what if and if only. Who is he, anyway? Who is David Desrosiers out of Simple Plan? He’s not quite sure. Maybe that’s what he needs to find out.

*

Maybe he knows who he is, but he’s just afraid to share it with the world. Another beautiful human lost in the ocean that is life.

It’s been hours. Hours of numbness, lost in a big hotel suite he had for himself alone.

The what if’s and if only’s were now made of dark thoughts he was hating himself for. He’s lost.

Dilemmas are killing him. “I need to go on stage.” It’s his job, he can’t just quit like that. Simple Plan is definitely a big part of his life and the other members are his best friends, and even more than that, they’re the brothers he never had growing up.

“I can’t let them down, get up and do your thing, fucking Desrosiers”

But the pressure, everything, it’s all too much.

And deep down, it felt like he did let them down already. By not giving his best on stage, not meeting the fans after the shows, being quiet in the interviews, not participating in important events. Why can’t it just go away? Why is it crushing him now? Why not earlier or later in his life? Why now?

He wished he was stronger than this. If only he could shut his mind off for a while, keeping him from irrational thoughts that are flooding his head. He’s not sure he’ll be able to come back from the place they’ll carry him on. He’s too tired to fight back, whatever he has to fight back.

Then, his tired eyes finally close, from the exhaustion of the past few weeks that were hard enough on him.

But while the man thinks he’s quitting in front of this monster, I on the other hand think he’s doing well and that a bright future awaits. Still, the mountain will be hard to stumble on, he sure can’t do this alone, though. Let’s just hope he finally opens up to somebody and let go of his fears.

Hold on tight my friend, this ride is a wild one.

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: I posted this fic the day before David announced on social media that he was going through major depression. I didn’t know. Well, I did feel it a bit that something was surely going on in his life but it still wasn’t a thing I was 100% sure of. Coincidence. I am also going through depression right now, and it always helped me to share my dark thoughts and feelings through my writings. Also, David always had that special vibe to me, I always displayed him in my fanfics with difficult subjects like illness, suicide, rape and stuff.
> 
> So… I had an idea. It’s been haunting me for a while now but I didn’t feel like writing it until this year. And then… May 25th happened. With the circumstances, I felt like it was a bad idea to post it. I didn’t want people to feel like I’m using his illness to fulfill some creative need, while I’m actually using mine. I felt bad about it. Talked to some friends. And I found myself here, writing this note, hoping it won’t be weird for you to read.
> 
> I’m publishing it for everyone out there going through a hard time. You are certainly not alone.  
> Also, please remember: Your illness does not define who you are.


End file.
